Insight and Innerworkings

Winter was first, in all its frozen glory. Winter was driving for miles upon miles just to feel something like life running through our veins, or learning the sweetest form of intimacy under the hushed, yellow tones of an old street lamp. Winter was when I lost one part of myself and gained another. Winter was your arm around my shoulders on a cold, starry night; sitting on the trunk of my car in a world that was completely our own. Winter was where it all began. All of the seasons have seen us now. Autumn wishes it could forget us. Yet summer is the fondest of them all. Do you remember our first golden summer? The way the sunlight reflected off the water, or the nights that felt like they would last forever if we wanted them to badly enough? Maybe if we had just closed our eyes and let ourselves float through the waves that existed between sleep and awake, time would have passed both of us by.

That summer, I stayed out far later than I should have and did more than I ever had before or ever would again. You had my heart and my mind on chains and I was none the wiser. I just went along for the ride. How could I refuse? You always made everything so natural. I never understood how you did it.

You told me you loved me. You told me I made you happy. You told me I drove you crazy. You told me I made you a better person. And yet despite every fiber of my being that told me to be careful, I believed you. How could I not?

You made my head spin.

When I was with you, I felt like nothing could touch me. When I was away from you, all I wanted was to be back in your arms. Or holding your hand. Just driving somewhere. No destination in mind. Or lying on your couch. Swallowed in a blanket that smelled just like you. Lazy kisses that landed on my forehead, or my lips, or my neck. Wandering hands, half-lidded eyes, giggly sighs, and breathless words. It was all I used to think about. It was all you. You said you thought about me too. You said you thought about me all the time; that I was all you thought about. You made me feel invincible. I loved you, and yet all the same, I knew it was too good to be true.

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